WORSHIP

Tonight Charlie spoke at youth group about worship and what it means to truly praise the Lord. Worship can be expressed in so many different forms, from working with people, to playing music, to teaching. While Charlie talked, my mind was running. Here are my thoughts...

I miss leading worship.

My senior year of high school I collaborated with a super sick group of high school kids from First Baptist Red Bank and started a youth praise band. Having a full youth band was something the church had never seen before and it was awesome to be the start of its roots. Between practicing, leading for youth group/church and prepping chords, lyrics, and powerpoints, my mind seemed to constantly be in a mode of worship. Worship was so much more than just singing and playing piano, there was a whole set of things that added up to this worship experience. Now, I play from time to time on worship teams, or lead chapel every once in a while, but it is entirely different from my past on the FBC youth team. With the youth group, my worship came in so many forms, especially in the form of leadership. I don't mean this in a cocky way, but being the "band leader" was so special. I connected with God in a way that I never have before because I was truly pushed by HIM to lead people through music. I never improvised or used only chords on piano until this time, and to be able to pick up a set of chords and play now is truly an act of God. I was stretched, but God worked in me. Now, I am usually under someone else's leadership, and it is mad different than being the typical leader. And that's okay! This is a new season in my life, but I just realized how much I miss the way things used to be.

Where was my heart today? 

Every time I come home and visit FBC, the Sunday morning worship is usually so difficult for me to engage in. The congregation feels cold, clapping is awkward, and raising hands is scare. I understand that everyone has their own way of worshipping, and that's totally cool; however, I often feel limited in how I can express my praise. A lot of it has to do with my distaste for the song choices, or the way the songs are played, but I have to question my heart. I think I have hardened my heart towards the worship at FBC and it really isn't fair.

 And honestly, Project 245 youth, I think you've done the same thing. We laugh, we clap off beat on purpose, and imitate guitar strumming, and sure, it's funny, but why can't we worship like we do at youth group or at camp?  I know that today was the 325935739058th time we sang "Shout to the Lord," but is that any reason to resist worship? I recognize that my heart wasn't where it should have been today due to my own flesh; my desire to do things my way and in my timing. Why was I able to truly engage in worship tonight when Charlie played, but not this morning when the adult band played? It was a matter of choice. Guys, I think we've put off addressing this way too long.  Even though we may have decided to lack enthusiasm in church this morning, God was still in that service, waiting to see us lift up our voice and praise Him! I feel like a jerk just being like, "Sorry God, this person is leading worship right now and they've played this song too many times for me to 'get anything' out of this." It's not fair to God. I don't mean to sound preachy, but through this whole thing I am speaking straight to myself.

So what can I do? 

I have such a desire to write music. God's done so much in my life and singing and playing is my favorite way to worship. I am working on learning guitar so I will be able to pick up the instrument and worship on the go. It's tough to transport a baby grand :]. I know I need to be in a worshipful mood all day, every day, so I can worship in class, when I write my papers, P90X, etc. Charlie boy, you really got me thinking about what I need to do and how I need to be worshipping. God is good, He will provide, I am stoked to see where He's going to move me within the next few months. :]

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."- Colossians 3:16-17

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